Friday, June 14, 2013

Hardy har har, Universe.

The universe has a funny sense of humour. As you know, I like Scooby, but he was off fixing things with his ex so I arranged a date with Mr New. I also had a interesting and positive contact from another guy that sounded promising. Only guess what? Scooby and the ex had an argument and things are weird again. And whilst I know that things between he and I are not changing any time soon, I don't want to add a potential complication either. I'd prefer to just be friends but see what happens in the next few months. Only do I date or not? I don't want to get in a spot where hes ready and I am still wondering but now have a new man to consider and confuse. Sigh. WHAT DO I DO? I really want to see what may (or may not) eventuate with Scoob because we DO get along so well. What's not to say tomorrow he will be trying again with the ex though? HELP?!

Is it you, Mr New?

So. First date ahoy. Mr New is another dating site fellow and he seems really nice. We've been emailing and texting a while, but I've kept it at arms length because of Scooby. With things on hold there, I felt it was time I took the next step and agreed to have lunch with him this weekend. Will Mr New ease the pain of the last few years of fails? Or will he be another to lament. I'm starting to think i need a checklist for every new guy I date, mostly need to rule out recent serious relationships because those are doozies to avoid!!! Wish me luck...

The one with the Ex

And that catches us up to right now. There is a guy I have sort of been seeing the last two months. Not officially, mostly as friends, but with kisses most times, and more a couple of others, though we have not consummated anything! This guy is like the male version of me. We are like two halves of a whole, which sounds romantic, but is actually more like awkward, bumbling, goofy idiots. That's us. Scooby and Shaggy. WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE! We make one another laugh, we have fun. So much fun. We do silly things like walk on the beach at night, visit haunted houses and play mini golf. What could possibly be wrong about it huh? Well, enter the ex. Once again, I meet a guy right after a messy break up from his ex. Things advance with he and I and suddenly he needs to put the brakes on because that's not finished. There's no closure. And suddenly she's all apologies and let's try again and he is conflicted by feeling for her and me both... And we have the mess that is now. WHAT JOY. So, I am relegated to friend status, and frankly am grateful for even that because she isn't happy about it. He is seeing if he can fix things with her, they were to be married after all, it was a big deal. I wish I had never stumbled across him because it's painful to meet someone so well suited, but have them not ready to meet you. Maybe someday he will get closure from that and maybe it won't work... but who knows. Maybe it will, too. She's not good for him, and I can see that even objectively, but you can't fight feelings right? Maybe he and I are just not meant to be. Right now, I am hanging in there as his friend because I am not strong enough to let go of my Scooby just yet. It's painful though, really tough. So I am going to continue to date, because standing on the sidelines looking at him go with his girl is far too painful to prolong. I can be his friend, but I can't stand still :(

And now to add a South African flavour

Ned was from South Africa, he and his family moved to Australia and became citizens here when the levels of violence in South Africa got too alarming. He had met his wife as a mid teen, and been with her ever after. Until they weren't anymore. And just 6 months later, he met me. We met on a dating site and went out for dinner after exchanging some texts and emails. Dinner went well and a few dates later we spent the night together. For the next year we spent many weekends away together, and we had a pretty awesome sex life, but not a lot in common personally, I guess. We got along well though, we respected one another and he was gentle with me, which I loved. Then he tried to break up with me but kept coming back and trying again. He said it was too soon to be too serious and I wanted more than he did. He actually said he was breaking up with me because I was too sexy. SERIOUSLY. That's what he said. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. Because such an active and relatively adventurous sex life was new to him (don't get me wrong there were no swings or chandeliers), he couldn't handle it. Eventually he began seeing someone else, and I found out - accidentally. And that was that. Another few months of on and off do we don't we before we severed the ties for good, and I was alone again.

Captain America

Soon after splitting from James, I met Captain America and I became quite smitten, quite quickly. Eventually, that was returned, despite the long distance apart. Australia to the United States isn't a jaunt of a trip, but over the course of our two year or so relationship, I made it twice. The first trip was like something from a movie. Ten days of intimate connection, crazy wild brilliant sex and laughter. I felt like I never had before. I was in love. Truly. Getting on the plane to come home almost killed me, if it hadn't been for my kids I would not have come back. Sadly, and unsurprisingly, distance took it's toll on us and cracks appeared in our relationship. He struggled as a single dad and I struggled as a single mum. He had some major issues, I was trying to fix it all. We eventually saw one another again 14 months after the first trip. How we lasted that long is anyones guess. Skype is a pretty cool thing I guess. The second trip was not the same. It was harder, the connection was not the same, the sex was still great, but the rift had formed too deep. When I said goodbye this time, I was fairly sure that I wouldn't see him again. We struggled on for another 6 months, before calling it quits. Even then we lamented it for a further few months, but eventually, we let it go. Even though I knew it had to be, it hurt when just a few months later he was moved in and engaged to someone new. I think I thought we were more special than he did. It was special while it lasted, and I learned a lot from it, but that sort of distance can never survive.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The one that wasn't the one

We'll call him James. James and I met very young, I was only 18 and desperate for a whirlwind romance. We had just that. We married 4 years later, and I guess it was almost from the day of the wedding that things started to go badly. I had always had sexy images of a wedding night where we couldn't wait to get one another out of the fancy clothes and have lusty married sex. We had none. It went downhill from there. Mismatched libidos, differing interests, endlessly trying for babies too stubborn to be conceived... We went to counselling, and that night, he asked me for a divorce. I decided to go and live overseas for a year nannying and seeing the world. But then, I felt sick. And tests showed I was pregnant from the final sexual encounter we had shared. Wasn't that a hit. My passport was in the mail and my flights were booked!!! All had to be cancelled. I told him not to come back for the babies sake because it was the wrong reason but I mourned and howled and wailed and I was terrified of being a single mother, no idea what I was doing, I was only 25 and it was so scary. Half way through the pregnancy, we decided to try and fix it. We lasted another 6 and a half years and another baby before this time I called it off in 2009. We were friends and nothing more was there. I care about him, he is an amazing father to our children and a best friend to me, but I needed intimacy and connection on that other level so I had to walk away. Breaking his heart was the hardest thing I have ever done. We still remain good friends of course, and co parents and allies. I will always have his back, simple as that. No matter what happens. So that was the biggest relationship, and when we parted ways, I was 32 years old.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I am a dating failure

There. I've said it. I am a dating failure. And I am here to share all the juicy details with you, my readers. Why? Well, because I am trying to find a light side to this thus far terrible search for Mr. Right. All names will be changed. Must be, I can't afford to be sued :/ I shall catch you up to date on the main players, and then keep you up to speed as I continue my (let's face it, pretty futile) search.